Leigh Ellwood

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Thursday, July 20, 2006

Sweet Italian Sausage

I don't know if many authors of erotic romance find inspiration or research in adult films. I don't make a habit of watching them myself, but when fellow scribe KM Frontain suggested a "porncrossing" experiment I decided I couldn't pass up the opportunity to participate to see me some sweet manlovin' for free. Those free sample loops provided by the porno sites only provide so much.

The idea is this: a group of authors (or interested parties, heh) pass around an adult all-male feature and blog a short review. I don't know what exactly inspired Frontain to share this particular video, but if I could hazard a guess, it was probably to get it out of the house so it would no longer sully an already impressive collection of classics. Or maybe the parents visit often, who knows? I can't speak for Frontain's current DVD collection. ;-)

So we come (shut up) to Sweet Italian Hills, a foreign feature that appears as though it was shot with one hand-held camera operated by somebody in love with the zoom feature. This film was directed by Franco Minelli, I'm guessing no relation to Vincente. As this film is not in English, features very little dialogue (yet there is screenplay credit by TWO people - Minelli and one Etienne Villa, no relation to, uh, me), I can't provide names for the characters, so I will call them all Fabio. Easier for me to remember.

Simple, dull credits accompany Fabio One and Fabio Two on a walk along a dusty road, with the names Minelli and Villa popping up the most often. Direction, writing, cinematography, costumes, moose choreographed by, etc. Apparently they did everything but have sex during production, and several minutes into this short feature I wondered if anybody else was going to. Fabios One and Two clearly enjoy their exercise...eventually my mind wandered into a makeshift tour guide. And we're walking, and we're walking, and we're stopping in front of a Volkswagen with doors wide open. Both men hop in and go for drive to an ever remoter place for some you know what. I set the vibe to stun and think finally.

Alas, Dee and Dum are only teasing the viewer. After some intense, clothed making out (including a passionate attention to the insides of elbows), a bit of tense Italian is exchange and Fabio One storms off in a huff. Vibe off.

A shot of two shirtless Italian hunks shoveling gravel later, and Fabio One strolls into an Italian field populated entirely by half-nekkid men. I'm thinking hel-looooo, orgy! So this is going to be the scene where the Van Cliburn classical piano soundtrack ceases and the wacka-chicka soundtrack takes over to accompany the group fuck'n'suck. No, Fabio One just sheds his clothes and produces a Speedo from out of nowhere (why was he just not wearing it, though? He didn't have on underwear?) and lies in the grass. Van Cliburn does fade but is replaced by the sound of chirping and buzzing Italian insects, signalling (at last) a sex scene.

Fabios Three and Four appear short and thin. One has very dark hair pulled back and the other has a buzz cut. Neither appears very comfortable with the other as they kiss and cuddle, and I had to wonder if both are new to porn. What I do find interesting, too, about this scene is that for one there is no music soundtrack, only the knocking wind against the boom mike (at least it didn't dip into focus) and the insect. And they were loud. I hope Minelli and/or Villa provided some Deep Woods OFF for this venture.

The action is mainly oral, in fact it's mainly oral for the entire film, with the only anal scene happening in the last five minutes (between Fabio One and Fabio Seven or Eight, I lost count at that point)! Coincidentally, that's where the bulk of the dialogue takes place, too; five lines written by two people. I'm in the wrong business.

Anyway, I won't divulge into the whole film, but will offer that if wall to wall m/m oral is your bag, give this one a try. If you like a story, there isn't much one here to find. I don't have a set address to send this film, but I would like to move it before Mom comes to visit, so voice your interest in the comments box.

everything by leigh
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